Honest Tourist Reviews: Why You Shouldn’t Visit These UK Hotspots

We love ol’ Britania, we love a staycation and, given exotic destinations are off the menu this summer, now truly is the time to shower our love upon this green and pleasant land. But sometimes, just sometimes, a destination doesn’t quite live up to the hype, and where do we turn to complain? The internet, of course.

While normally we’d take the online moans of ‘negative Nellies’ with a pinch of salt, Midlands-based Brindley Garages has decided to have a little fun with them, collecting hilarious snippets from low-scoring Google reviews of UK tourist destinations, which playfully suggest a day trip simply isn’t worth the COVID-19 risk.

The result is a series of painfully honest posters that might even encourage people to stay at home this bank holiday weekend, as the easing of lockdown measures makes it very tempting to jump in the car and go exploring.

It’s the new Michelin travel guide for global-pandemic times.

So, where should we not be visiting this weekend? Well, Victoria Park in east London isn’t worth it, for starters… According to some rather harsh Google reviews, the park has ‘huge scary creatures in the water’ and, generally speaking, it’s ‘just poop’.

Perhaps a picnic in your garden, instead?

As for a trip to Brighton, well the beach ain’t up to much anyway, with some reviewers clearly dissatisfied with the lack of sand: ‘Oooh the pebbles hurt my toes!’, said one, while another reckons it’s ‘way too pebbly to be enjoyable unless you’re drunk’.

One even had the audacity to show displeasure at a rare day of hot, sunny weather: ‘Way too warm for the UK – my ice cream melted!’

‘Brighton Beach is ‘way too warm for the UK – my ice cream melted!’

Thinking of heading further afield? Well you certainly shouldn’t bother with Cheddar Gorge. Iconic as it may be, there’s a ‘significant lack of cheese within caves’, and while it’s a ‘place of outstanding beauty’, Cheddar Gorge is ‘totally spoilt by lack of cheddar’.

As for Hadrian’s Wall, ‘it’s a wall and a house – BORING’, while Loch Ness proved to be a major disappointment: ‘Nessie is FAKE NEWS’.

A trip to Lake Windermere is a frustrating experience – ‘Couldn’t even go for a swim!’ – and the Peak District, frankly, is ‘not as nice as the Lake District’.

For more grumpy reviews of the UK’s top tourism spots, read the full article online at brindley.co.uk



 

Like what you see?

Sign up to The Resident newsletter for even more news, views and things to do in London, delivered direct to your inbox once a week